We do not desire to experience disappointments or plan to break up when we enter into a romantic relationship. However, events may happen that may warrant a break-up. Break-up after a romantic relationship could be quite depressing and distressing and it could also be challenging to move on. Notwithstanding, one needs to move on and continue with life, particularly if there is no hope of a reunion. Everyday, we keep learning and growing; you should pick valuable lessons from the event and go forward.

Review the relationship

In trying to move on, you could take some time off to assess the relationship with the benefit of hindsight. It may help to start by asking yourself certain questions. What are the vital lessons you learnt in the former relationship. Start by checking the areas where you stumbled. Which of your actions, habits were wrong, and affected the relationship adversely? Are there attitudes that you need to work on? These are important questions that you need to ask yourself. The import of this review is not for you to indulge in guilt or self pity; it is meant to be an objective self-appraisal of the situation. You also need to consider what were the mistakes and faults of the other person and areas where he should have done better.  This would help you put things in proper perspective and not hold yourself responsible for the other person’s faults.

Discontinue communication

Communication as we know is the lifeblood of any relationship. Every thriving relationship is sustained by effective communication. The reason you need to discontinue communication is to help disconnect your emotions quickly from the old relationship. This is essential particularly for a woman. It is highly likely that after being together for sometime, say two to five years or more, you have grown accustomed to each other; you still want to see him, talk and chat with him as usual or go out with him like before. No girl, all that is over now. Although, you are not enemies, but keeping a respectable distance will help your emotions to heal up gradually. While keeping in touch may only fuel the memories of the relationship and you do not want that.

Share and talk

If you need to, share and talk with a friend. This is because sharing a burden or problem makes it less burdensome, like the saying, “a problem shared is half-solved”. However, avoid sharing with a friend of the opposite sex. The reason for this is that you are still in a sort of emotional trauma; you are vulnerable, the affection you may develop for the person you are sharing with would be temporal and you don’t want more complications. Share with a friend, preferably female, talk about it, receive encouragement and comfort, it will help you to heal up quickly and move on faster.

Allow God to heal you

The Bible says that we do not have a High Priest who cannot identify with our failings, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. It further says to draw near to the throne of grace, to receive mercy and grace in time of need. This is certainly a time of need. You need strength and grace to carry you through. The Holy Spirit is our present Help and Comfort, He is there to comfort and strengthen you in this season of your life. Spend more time meditating on God’s Word and promises to you; pray more. As you do, the Holy Spirit will minister comfort to you. God will give you a Word that will spur you on. He will give you a Word that will make the future look bright and real to you again. Believe me sister, He is a loving Father that cares about His daughter, and won’t let her down now that she needs Him.

Allow time to pass

It’s been said that “time heals all wounds”. This is also true of emotional hurts; with the passage of time, the pain dulls. As time passes, you would forget about everything that transpired in the old relationship. It is not yet time to go into a new relationship, you need to give yourself some room for recovery. Depending on each person, it could take from 6 months to 2 years before considering starting a new relationship, or before the opportunity for a new one comes. It may be longer or shorter than that depending on the peculiarity of each person’s case. It is however not advisable for a lady to enter into another relationship barely after a month since ending the former one.


Look up! the sun is shining again

It is a brand new day Sis, the sun is shining again. Maybe you are wondering if there will ever be any man as good as the one you were in relationship with or anyone better than him. That is not true God still has many sons. Remember the story of Elijah, when he fled from Jezebel and he was telling God that he was the only prophet of God left and the only one that had not bowed to Baal. God told him no, that He still had 7,000 in Israel which had not bowed to Baal. Imagine 7,000! So when your mind starts worrying about whether there will be someone else as good, as kind, as romantic and loving, remember God still has many sons, “7,000 holy children.” It is a brand new day, God says behold I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth. God is arranging a new thing; He is making all things work together for your good, bringing you to that prepared place, that wealthy place made for you alone (Psalm 66:12)

Different people

Avoid comparing your new man and the old man or men. There will never be anyone like the old guy or anyone like the new guy either. They are different people, the new person will not be like the former person or the one before him. You have to make this new person feel accepted without comparing him with anybody. There is nothing that discourages a man more than knowing he is competing with or being compared with an ex, particularly if he continually falls short in the measurement.

Finally, for the time that you are not in a romantic relationship, cultivate one with yourself. Take time to learn more about you; what makes you tick? What makes you so unique? Fall in love with yourself, and you will find that there are people falling in love with you. Don’t give in to doubt about who you are. You are priceless, beautiful, loving, lovable, fun and absolutely amazing!

Funmi Thomspon