Trust we are having a great week?
While I was driving home from work the other day, my friend, Lolade kept calling. Now, I don’t, as a rule, pick calls when I am driving – which is why I try to have one of those Bluetooth earpieces handy. But, I had lost mine a couple of days back and still had not replaced it. With Lolade’s persistent calls, I made a mental note to replace it first thing in the morning.
Still driving, I picked her call and placed her on speaker. “Hey babe, what’s up”, I hailed her. Next thing I know, she’s burst into tears, “Nife, it’s Dayo, he’s changing”. I quickly looked for someplace to park so I could talk to the clearly distraught Lolade. Her story was something I had heard a number of times, and one which, as a life and relationship coach, I had talked about often enough. Here it is;
“Dayo and I have been married for two years and we have always had a very good relationship; we talk about everything, pick each other’s phone when it rings, and generally enjoy doing a lot of things together. Lately, that seems to have changed as Dayo now password locks his phone and even with that, never allows me so much as touch the phone. He would rather have it ring endlessly if he’s not there. Now, he’s always too busy or too tired to do things with me. It’s been one excuse after the other. I have tried to bring it up with him, but he just walks away each time I attempt it.
I’m really scared right now, I hope that he is not about to leave me for another girl. What can I do to make him see that this is hurting our marriage?”
As Lolade cried that night, I told her what I have told many other women. First, DO NOT jump into any conclusions without adequate and reasonable proof. It does nobody any good for you to begin to assume the worst based on your fears.
Next, you’ve got to be patient. If you say you know your man, then be patient with him and trust that in good time, all will be resolved.
Then, try to approach him on the subject while you are both relaxed and speak to him in a way that communicates trust, understanding, regard, and patience. He might be keeping secrets from you because he thinks you will not understand so while talking to him try to project these qualities.
One method that I know also works is that when you want people to open up; you have to try and open up first. Talk to him about something personal and see if he will be willing to open up too.
Also, let him know how important it is for him to open up to you and if he finally does, don’t criticize him, rather as you discuss the issue, appreciate him for opening up to you and trusting you with this part of him.
Above all, pray for your husband, yourself and your marriage and keep trying to exercise patience.
It worked for Lolade. She and Dayo are closer than ever, and that period in time, which was actually based on a work related issue, brought them even closer because of the way it was handled.
I hope you found this helpful. If you did, please share with all the women in your circle. I wish you success in your marriage.