Who said men don’t have mood swings?
As with most things in life, romantic relationships are, for many of us, a double-edged sword: while most find it wonderful to love and be loved, developing intimate emotional ties to someone particularly one’s spouse (which is inevitable) makes one emotionally vulnerable—vulnerable not only to being hurt by one’s spouse’s opinions of and feelings toward us, but also vulnerable to being affected by our spouse’s bad moods. If a colleague or a friend gets depressed, we’re often able to offer a comforting word or two without ourselves being drawn into his or her emotional maelstrom. However, when our partner becomes depressed or sad or angry or jealous or anxious, our own emotions are often triggered in unpleasant ways. Just what can we do to manage our own bad moods that arise as a result of our spouse’s?
Never take your relationship with your husband for granted. Everyone needs a constant supply of love. We ladies need to be more sensitive because men usually go through so many stressful matters at office or business place and when at home they deserve to enjoy tranquility. One of his key responsibilities is to care and plan for the future of his family, hence, his peace is vital for the progress of family. Complaining, nagging, blackmailing and name calling most often result in husbands seeking for solace outside the home which eventually ruins the family. We all have our high and low moments. Let us be a little more sensitive and accommodating when we observe them in their low moments.
Well, there are some simple tips to help you in relating with your man when he’s upset:
1. Don’t put fire into fire. Anger has this funny trait – it’s impermanent. Let him be angry by himself, he will calm down eventually. If you put more fire into his anger it may last hours or days. Remember his anger will pass but what you say to each other while arguing may leave scars forever. Be careful with the words you use at this time. You can’t recall negative words spoken to your spouse
- Mood swings may result owing to a stressful work environment. As far as possible, do not ask about office and work after you guys are at home after work. Find out which type of conversation interests him to talk more and spend more time.
- Address his anger when he’s calm. Don’t be surprised that your husband is still angry even when everything went according to his wish. Understand that the body is an energy system; it takes time for energy to settle. Usually it takes at least 20 minutes for the adrenaline to loosen its effect. When he’s calm, address his irrational behaviour calmly and share the hazards associated with harbouring anger for a long time. This will be helpful to him.
- Pick your battles. The greatest generals know to only fight the battles they can win and don’t waste their resources on the ones they can’t. The less battles you fight, the more powerful will be the ones you decide to engage in. Not only they will pack a larger punch, you will be more likely to take your husband by surprise and win the ones that really matter to you. Above all, disagree to agree. Regardless of the bone of contention, your husband is not your enemy. Disassociate your husband from the issue on ground because misunderstandings will come and go, but your spouse remains.
- “I’m sorry.”If you clearly played a role in escalating your husband’s anger then simply say “I’m sorry.” Nothing melts an angry heart faster than a sincere apology.Its wisdom to apologize when you’re wrong, but its maturity and strength to apologize even when you are not at fault just to give peace a chance in your home. It doesn’t make you a fool, it rather shows you are a wise, mature and strong woman. Apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong, it sometimes shows you’ll rather exude positive energy rather than further contaminate the air with negative energy after all, you don’t want to appear an irritable woman.
- Do not tolerate condescending and dismissive attitude. It’s not constructive for him neither will it be for you. A man will only mistreat a lady when no one challenges his behaviour. If he knows he can always get away with it, he’ll say hurtful things to you to boost his ego over and over and that’s certainly not acceptable.This may sound a bit harsh but if your husband treats you like crap once – shame on him, if twice -shame on you. Actually it’s a disservice for you, as well as him.Setting boundaries and clearly defining what you are willing to tolerate and making them known to your husband is one of the most effective anger management techniques around the house.
This is how it works- if you take the abuse over and over again then you are indirectly or practically training him that it is acceptable. Don’t tolerate this anymore, set your boundaries and throw a fit if you can to enforce them, send him into a little shock, it’s fine. Soon he’ll realize there are certain things you would not condone not out of disrespect to him but as a human being- deserving some basic form of dignity.
Generally speaking, it is wise not to get angry in response to your husband’s anger. If you weather out his verbal onslaught and remain relaxed he will likely be embarrassed about his behaviour and respect you even more. Dare to be different, be a peace maker and not a trouble brewer.
To your marital harmony…