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Marriage is a beautiful experience and worth looking forward to. However, it has its fair share of challenges as well as bliss. Marital squabbles are a normal occurrence in marriages, and no one should feel her world is crashing down when quarrels occur. Even lovebirds are not immune to occasional misunderstandings. However, managing it to a reasonable resolution makes all the difference. A couple must be able to objectively discuss issues without putting on the garb of tantrums of babies and trading blames.

Whether you and your spouse don’t agree on how much to set aside in savings, where to cut back to save on bills, who does more housework, or sincere ways to boost affection, there are different technologies out there that could spare you from these minor debacles – and possibly save your marriage.

Money is often at the core of many arguments couples have, and Mint.com is one of the best ways to resolve debates over finances. Mint looks at your different bank accounts and credit cards and allows you to set a budget that is right for your family. It also shows you where the money is going to keep you on track to reach your financial goals, and illuminates where you may need to make a change. If you keep separate accounts for some expenses, the PayPal app is a great way to easily transfer money to each other so you don’t have to worry about paying each other back with a check.

Having clear family values and rules about misunderstandings can be useful. This would prove very helpful in the event of squabbles. You could agree with your spouse to always ensure you resolve misunderstandings before nightfall. Another could be that once a heated argument comes up, either of you say ‘red light’ signalling that the argument should be dropped at once. Also, you could agree that in the event of misunderstanding, there should be no name-calling, labelling or insulting words. You could also agree on penalty for anyone who breaks the rules. It could be to buy the other party a very expensive gift or do a massage or be denied any privilege he or she enjoys so much.

In addition, calm words are very effective to diffusing squabbles. In the event of a heated argument, it is best and wise to either refrain from speaking so as not to aggravate your spouse any further or tactfully switch to calm or nerve-relaxing words. Remember the old but true saying ‘two wrongs never make a right’. Someone must act wiser and more mature.

Furthermore, here’s a word of caution for couples who routinely communicate through a sharp word and a slammed door: A bad marriage is inimical to your health. Research suggests that spouses engaged in hostile relationships have consistently elevated stress levels that significantly impede their bodies’ wound-healing capacity.

Proof of this apparent mind-body connection, researchers say, could have a major impact on the emphasis caregivers place on improving a patient’s frame of mind prior to surgery, in order to optimize the recovery process.

You could go a step further by teaching your kids how to handle emotional issues so when they become adults they would be armed with skills to resolving issues in a mature manner. For instance, you could give your children an alternative option to lashing out, for example, tearing an old newspaper up, scribbling with crayons, doing some push-ups or sit-ups, using a skipping rope to jump or running outside, but most importantly using words to express feelings rather than hurtful actions.

Even if you have never been abused mentally or emotionally, all of us have a need of continual restoration in order to maintain proper balance and stability in our lives. Whatever your past experiences or current circumstances, submit your mind, will and emotions to the Lord. The price we must pay for peace is so small, yet its benefits are eternally immense. We need to learn to trust God to take care of the situation. God will retaliate for us. He promises, “I will pay back. I will balance out the scales of justice”.  Often times, we miss miracles in our lives because we got involved with solving an issue when we should wait and trust God.

I’m confident that God has sent your spouse to you to help you mature in Him. He is the Perfect Match-Maker. He knows there are some latent weaknesses that only your spouse can bring to the fore which you will need to outgrow and convert into strength in order for you to become the person He wants you to be. You are precious to Him and He won’t put you through an experience that won’t be useful to you or His cause. Perhaps, God has a greater goal in mind. He may be taking you through a process of preparation for helping others grow in their marital journeys or to be in a position to lead someone to Christ or betterstill, help someone grow in the knowledge of His fullness.

If God asks you to be a scapegoat in a situation, it is because He is trying to give that person some space of time to change. He knows who that person will become, and He needs you to carry the load for that person for a period of time. If so, you may have to be that scapegoat until God says it’s time to confront.

Drop that load and heavy burden dear. Don’t wear yourself out. You’ve got a beautiful life ahead of you. Don’t be deceived into carrying a guilt you were never intended to bear. Always be on the side of peace. No one has the power to take away your joy except the one you grant the permission. Do not give anyone that much power to take away your joy because ‘a merry heart does good like medicine’ (The Bible). Regardless of whatever the bone of contention, resolve to be a peace maker and a peace giver. Determine to enjoy your marital journey. Whatever the hurdle you are currently going through will pass over soon and you’ll look back with gratitude and satisfaction. Do not forget that we are products of daily choices. Let go, and let God. You are a winner dear one.

To your marital success…

 

OluwakemiZaccheaus