Yesterday – she had a smile on her face as she looked at me and said ‘we used to be close then…’ and then we talked briefly about ‘then’…all good memories. I remember how, one day, she told me she had prayed to be better at maths, and after a while she found that she became good with maths but started doing poorly in English…funny….

I also remember another conversation with some other girlfriend then about blue eyes and blond hair…I’m not about to spell out the details of that conversation here though…hehe…we just got so detailed about ourselves….’then’…now, I’m not even sure where she is.

Just today, I was speaking to another good friend, someone I really love talking to and we started talking about how much we’ve grown apart. Somehow, I wonder that I might not have made the most of my relationships in a way that keeps them fresh (I should work on that…yeah…)

In life, as we grow older, we kind of grow out of some relationships.

But really, why and how do people grow apart? I think it works like this:

…we grow closer when we have similar experiences and permit each person to share in the other’s experiences. This way, we keep up with each other and grow together (I should write more about this…some stuff about Sarah/Abraham, David/Abigail and growing separately and apart…sometime soon, after I’ve given it some more thought…)

…or… we make different choices, meet new people, crave for new experiences and dream new dreams, and then, we just grow differently, I guess this is just few out of many ways though.

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I sometimes see human relationships this way – fleeting when it’s superficial; solid and unshaking when it’s real. With certain people, you find that you drift, but still connect when you get together. With certain others, I’m just not sure; I guess we have to consciously work, though, to keep all kinds of relationships fresh and alive.

I’ve got this memory too…end of a semester, I think in my 3rd year, I had left school and was going to Kaduna, had to stay over at Grandma’s for a night in Ondo before leaving the south. Late that night, in the dark, with the light of the lantern glowing and vehicle lights fleeting past, tears streamed down my face before I could stop them, when I realized I was going home for the first time after all my sisters had gotten married, It dawned on me that I would never have them at home as ‘just my sisters’ anymore, and there was no way life would remain the same again. They were part of new families now, and even if we ever got together like before, they would have other ‘parts’ to their lives…life had become one bit more complicated…

In essence…

Track all stale relationships, and as well as possible, try to estimate their value. If it’s worth it, defend it, at all cost. As much as lies in me, I never end any relationship on a bad note. Always leave an open door, for former friends as well as new ones…expect the best and give them all the benefit of doubt. Most importantly, remember that I really have no friends if I am not one. Strive continually to be a better one, and always, a true one.

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As for friendships with growing gulfs, check for the bridge… look on the bright side and dwell instead on the good times past… glean all that’s left on the fields and savour the dregs left in the bottle…thinking again, maybe no relationship should ever be given up on.

Keep the doors open to new friendships, only be mindful of wolves…somehow, maybe, we can find a way to live watchful, wise, happy lives without being hampered by the suspicion that pervades the society. Hopefully, amongst the many thorns around, we’ll find more soft spots that’ll be worth the many pricks from testing…

This does require some more thought …even if it’s just Motunrayo thinking