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There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Many people (including myself, until recently) marry these two words, but they are actually different.  While being alone is to stand by oneself without anyone else by one’s side, being lonely is to be sad or unhappy because one has no companions or friends. This means that you can be alone and not get lonely (sad, unhappy) and you can be in the midst of a crowd and be lonely.

God said it is not good that man (and woman) should be alone and yes, I totally agree with this passage. It is good and blessed to be married, there are great benefits attached to it and every single lady should look forward to having that beautiful experience. But everything in life is in phases; even life itself. I am yet to see a toddler becoming so worried about admission into a secondary school.

The man in that passage (Adam), though alone, was not lonely; hence his ability to name all the animals that were brought before him; a feat that would have been very difficult if not impossible for a sad, unhappy and sorrowful man.

There are lots of negative issues attached to being lonely. Isolation from people, loss of sleep, attitudinal challenges and even depression are not far from a perpetual lonely (sad, unhappy) single lady. This could lead to loss of total concentration and whatever anybody said at that moment is usually welcome whether good or bad. Adam’s case wasn’t like that, the Bible said that “…and whatever Adam called every living creature, that was its name.” This means that he was in a perfect frame of mind; he related well with the creatures and probably touched them to be able to know what name fit an animal.  ’And whatever name given to them remained their names’.

If, as a single man or woman, you are lonely (sad, not happy, sorrowful) and you think the only remedy for it is marriage; then you are mistaken, because a lizard in Nigeria can never be a crocodile in America no matter how transformed it becomes. If you are not a happy single lady, you can’t or it will be difficult to be a happy married woman. I have seen some of my friends who thought marriage would solve their loneliness issues but woke up to the reality when they got married. It was then they discovered that marriage is not just having a man and a woman in a building making love and having babies (although these are some of the numerous beautiful benefits attached to it), it’s a wonderful union with responsibilities and challenges which could make you sadder and then you will begin to look for a way out of it (separation or divorce).

Your foundation determines what type of building you will have on it. If you didn’t take care to build a solid foundation (singlehood) and you avoid the challenges that come with it like peer, parental and societal pressure, emotional pressure, etc., then your building (marriage) would be shaky because there are also marital challenges (I usually refer to them as rains, storms, and winds) that would come on the building.

Instead of wallowing in loneliness, brace up and take responsibility. Check the reasons you are still single. If it’s something you need to work on, start the process, if you feel it’s beyond you, then take it to God in prayer, and wait for the man. And yes, while you are waiting, get a life so you won’t become a liability on the brother when he finally comes.

So, as you work towards the next major stage of your life (marriage), enjoy this state of being single (alone) without being lonely (sad). Single-hood is not a disease or virus; it is a phase that will soon pass. So enjoy it while it lasts.

 

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