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Glittering lips, gorgeous face and profound updates…

I stumbled upon her profile via her shared post by a mutual friend…

With over a hundred mutual friends, I decided to send a friend request…

As If waiting for the request or her hand was on ‘auto-accept’, my request was promptly granted…

”Hi dear’ fizzled into  ”Hello hun” and ”How is my favourite person doing?”

To get her number, I stylishly asked if she was on whatsapp and she answered in the affirmative…

We became an inseparable item chatting all day and night as our interests clicked and preferences fused whilst we practically lived on BBM…

We expend close to a year trying to know each other on social media…

I stayed with her on the phone like customer service as If there was no tomorrow…

I always reminded her of my undying love for her and I sang the praise of her mesmerising beauty…

After a long and tortuous wait, I had to convince her to pay me a visit so I can catch a glimpse of the wonderful Princess that has captured my willing heart…

Finally, I was lucky to convince her of my ’emotional seriousness’ and she paid me a visit after I sent her transport fare…

I began to rejoice and my excitement knew no bounds as my delectable beau online was soon to meet the ‘bank of words’ in the real world…

I was so ecstatic as I prepared for her grand arrival and planned to host such a ‘full package’ for a minimum of three weeks in the first instance…

She thought I was joking about making her stay for three weeks but generously obliged to stay with me for a whole week…

We planned to meet at the Chicken Republic very close to the city park…

I couldn’t sleep the preceding night out of delirious excitement as I awaited her at our rendezvous two hours before her arrival…

Then a summarised, limping, extremely uncomely, shabby, drab, rough, shapeless and unkempt lady strolled in majestically brimming unholy mischievous smiles at me with burnt, broken and black teeth reeking of acute dental failure…

I looked back to check If those ‘strange imbecilic smiles’ were for another. I only became jolted from my riverie when she screamed my name and hugged me forcefully…

My countenance fell as the reality of the true ‘picture’ of my ‘guest’, – my Facebook love dawned on me, I began to form fake incongruous smiles whilst managing the unhideable shock on my face…

With the admixture of the deep pain and empathy in my heart and because she has already seen and recognised me, I could no longer flee and I was stuck, I decided to take her to my house…

I had neither mood nor mien as my brain began to think out a solution out of the ensuing melee…

I fixed the guest room for her as though I was a courteous and decent gentleman eunuch…

My brain worked and I suddenly ‘received an urgent call in her presence’ in the night…

…I turned to her in a distraught consciousness and with a feigned face of regret and said ‘Baby, I am sorry, I have to travel very early tomorrow morning, my presence is needed urgently in Abuja for an emergency and I won’t be back in a ‘whole’ month! You will have to go back to your place tomorrow morning’.

No other way to express my disappointment in the drawing, sorry, figure that assaulted my eyes…

As she departed, I remembered neither her nor her mobile number…

Since then, I have refrained from loving online but on-sight! Facebook love is counting the chicks before the egg is hatched…

I stopped liking pictures and loving online images…for the girl in the magazine doesn’t even look like the girl in the magazine!

-‘Tosin Ayo,

(The ‘word bank’).

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