Just as women want a ‘good husband’, men also want to be married to good wives. Modern, progressive women may have a tough time accepting the idea of a ‘good wife’. But indeed, marriage requires both partners to put in their individual efforts to make the relationship work.
Qualities of a Good Wife
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to being a good wife. But there are certain things you should and should not do in a relationship to be a great partner.
1. Express your love
If you have committed to spend a lifetime with a man through nuptials, you must love him. But loving is not enough. A relationship thrives on the expression of that love, among other emotions. So if you love your husband, tell him and show him how much he means to you.
In any relationship, communication is critical. And marriage is no exception. Throw away the misconceived notions that a partner is supposed to know what the other one thinks and wants. Your husband cannot read minds, just as you can’t either. You may know about each other’s likes and preferences but not necessarily what they are thinking or feeling.
Open communication in the marriage means that you tell your husband what you think or feel and what you expect of him. Talk to your husband – ask, say, and discuss. Avoid the silent treatment, which can make things worse. Don’t leave your husband guessing about what you want, and avoid assuming or imagining things about his behavior.
3. Be supportive
Be it a career, a hobby or anything else that your husband pursues, he’d need and want your support. Being supportive in a marriage is not just about being there when the partner is having a difficult time. It is about appreciating or praising him when he achieves a milestone, or when he overcomes his fear and tries something new.
4. Be his best friend
The best marriage is the one where the couple is each other’s best friend. Nothing is better than being in love with your best friend. This is a love that is deep, strong and genuine. Allow a healthy friendship to develop between you and your husband, and see what difference it makes to your life.
5. Respect the person he is
The best marriages are those where the partners respect each other. Your husband is his own individual, with flaws and all. Respect the person he is, not just for what he does for you or the family. Mutual respect in the marriage is a must. This reflects in the way you speak and behave with each other. Do not belittle, humiliate, strike or harm your husband, whether in private or public. A little teasing is alright, but insulting is not okay. So watch what you say and think before you speak.
6. Respect his need for space
‘Space’ is a concept that few people understand. Every person needs his or her own space. Even married men need their space at times and may want to retreat to their man-cave. Respect that and give him some space, and allow him to pursue his hobbies and interests. Restricting your spouse’s freedom and space can be suffocating for them and have a negative impact on the relationship.
Listening is critical for effective communication, and perhaps more important than talking. So make a conscious effort not just to hear, but listen and understand when your husband is talking. Pay attention to him during a conversation. Put away your phone, turn off the TV or turn down the music that could be distracting you. Giving your husband your full attention when he is speaking shows how much you respect him.
Listening does not mean you have to agree with him. But even to disagree, you must listen to what he is saying.
8. Be appreciative
Men, too, have this need to be loved, appreciated and praised. Tell him how much you appreciate the little things he does for you, for the children or in the house. Praise encourages him to do more for you, and also sends the message that his efforts are recognized.
9. Pick the right fights
Do you know of any married couple that don’t fight?
Marriage is about two different, unique individuals who will have differences. The disagreements and differences can sometimes lead to fights. And those fights, if too many, can strain the relationship. That doesn’t mean you compromise every time. No. It means you have to think and pick your fights wisely. Ask yourself – ‘Is it worth fighting for?’ What’s stopping you from compromising and let your husband have his way sometimes? If it’s a trivial issue, let it go. Do not let your ego come in the way of a happy, loving relationship with the man you love.
10. Be honest & Be your true self
Honesty is the foundation of a trusting relationship. Marriages that last are based on honesty and open communication, with no place for cheating or lying. Your husband deserves honesty and truthfulness from you, just as you do from him.
Being truthful won’t always be easy. Sometimes your honesty might upset your husband and may even lead to fights. But dishonesty can damage a relationship so much that the partners will have a tough time trusting each other again.
If you are not comfortable with who you are, you will not be comfortable revealing your true self to your partner. Be your true self in a relationship, right from the beginning. Being true to who you are is also about being honest with your husband and that helps build a trusting relationship.
10. Have fun, Step up the romance and get creative in bed
Have fun and do not let boredom creep into your relationship. Go on dates, picnics, road trips tours, plan movie nights, cook dinner together, watch a TV series and be silly together.
Step up your romance a notch or two and get back to the basics. Get flirtatious, tease him, touch him lovingly, kiss him spontaneously and lead him in the bedroom. Make him feel good in bed. They need to hear it often, to boost their confidence and make them feel like ‘da man’. Most men may not be comfortable asking what they want in bed. But in a marriage, you should be able to talk about your wildest fantasies and try them out. So, don’t worry about getting creative and trying something new with your husband. It could be something that you like, or he likes. Just do it without worrying about being judged.
In conclusion being a good wife is not all about being a submissive or obedient wife that caters to every need of her husband. It is about being the perfect partner who contributes equally to the relationship and complements the husband’s personality. Marriages are mutual, so if you want a good husband, you have to be willing to be a good wife.