You need to consider some fundamental things before deciding on whom to marry. To this end, you need to ask yourself some very vital questions such as is the person a wise person? Will he/she do me good for the rest of my life? Can I love this person for life? You need to be sure that you can stay with the person for the rest of your life, because marriage is for life, you cannot get in and get out. Even if you try to divorce, you would just exchange a different set of problems for another. You need somebody that will love you and be committed to you until death separates you. Can you agree with the person? If you both do not agree then you cannot walk together.
Here are some of the specific questions you should ask before deciding to choose someone as a life partner:
- Is the person a God-fearing, committed born-again Christian or just a nominal Christian? A nominal Christian is a born-again Christian but is afraid of totally committing to God. The reason why you should be concerned that the person you are going out with is committed to God is because relationship with God brings perfection. Christian behaviour is a result of our response to God. What determines how good you are, is how close you are to God, perfection is determined by how close you are to God.
- For how long has he/she been a committed Christian? How matured is he/she in the Lord? Marriage is all about walking in the spirit; it is not for boys and girls or baby Christians. You need to be sure he has the fruits of the spirit manifesting in his life. If he/she has the fruits of the spirit manifesting in his life, then he would have a mature character which is very key in marriage, particularly when disputes or arguments arise. You need to be sure he is spiritually mature so that when challenges come he/she can handle them.
- Am I sure, my intended is God’s will for my life? God brings your spouse along your path even though we have to choose. Pray that God will lead you to the right person. Even when you are courting, you have to pray that God will reveal him to you, even things that he does not know about himself. It is important that you know his weaknesses and strengths before you marry him so that you can know whether you can accept and handle the weaknesses and do not end up rejecting your spouse. Your marriage must be built on commitment and intimacy.
- Do I know the qualities I’m looking for in a husband or wife? You need to look out for lasting qualities in a spouse; these include integrity, trust, love, a true sense of commitment etc
- Does he or she have the qualities I cannot do without in a spouse? These are some of the qualities listed above that one cannot do without in a spouse. For example, you need to know whether your intended has a true sense of loyalty and commitment to you.
- Can my intended complement my effort to achieve my purpose in life? You need to know whether your intended is in sync with your vision and purpose in life, otherwise it would be very difficult to achieve them. You need to know whether he/she would be supportive of your God-given dreams and visions.
- Is my intended flexible and understanding or rigid and uncompromising? You need to have someone who can adjust easily to your needs and the demands of your career. Otherwise he may not be a suitable partner.
- Can I proudly introduce my intended to my friends? Am I proud of him?
- Do you know your intended’s strengths and weaknesses? You need to know your intended’s strengths and weaknesses to know if you can live the rest of your life with him/her.
- Am I ready to accept him/her with his strengths and weaknesses? Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. The way you handle your spouse’s weaknesses will determine the success or failure of your marriage.
- Do I relate with him as a friend? It has been said that friends last longer in marriage and that is true. For you to have a lasting marriage, he/she must be your friend because the essence of marriage is intimacy.
- Do I accept his friends as my friends? If you want to know someone look at his friends If you cannot accept his friends, you cannot really accept him. You must accept his people, siblings and friends.
- Are we compatible in genotype? If you are both AS be sure you both know this is God, be sure you both are convinced about the relationship, be sure you both have pastoral and parental approval, be sure you do not have doubts that you are having AS children because it is not right to bring SS children into the world.
- Are you attracted to each other physically? You need to be attracted to your intended physically. You must like the contents and the container.
- Do I have a job? Can my income cover my bills? If you do not have a job, you should not think of getting married. You could start courtship but not marriage. Even before getting married, you need to be sure the income of you and your spouse can take care of your bills. Marriage comes with responsibilities.
- What initiated your present relationship? Is it depression, frustration or is it mutual compatibility and mutual love. Your relationship should not be inspired by negative forces such as pressure from parents, social pressure due to maturity of age etc
- Is there mutual giving and sharing? There must be mutual giving and sharing in your relationship. The core of love is giving and sharing; because you love someone, you give and you share with him.