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Have you wondered how some ladies seem to have a guy wrapped around their fingers while some just seem to keep moving in and out of relationships over the years? There must be something the first set know and are doing that must be eluding the latter set. Being in love is a beautiful experience; it affords you companionship, you have someone to share your life with; someone to share the joy and pains of life with. For the lady, the guy showers you with affection and attention, the benefits are endless.

In a bid to keep a man, a woman can go to any length; she can do anything. From both personal experience and observation, I have noticed pitfalls or factors that repel a man from his woman. In a bid to keep the man, ladies are unconsciously doing things that are undermining or counter-productive to their efforts.

Insecurity

Insecurity is a major issue among ladies. I have seen good and viable relationships crumble as a result of this. Even though a man is head-over-heels in love with a lady, she is nursing negative thoughts in her mind that perhaps he is attracted to someone more attractive than she is or someone younger or someone more intelligent.

Insecurity could also be in the form of a seeming threat. Maybe the man has close female associates, colleagues or friends; the lady starts to feel that one or more of them are a potential threat that could usurp her anytime. It could also be that she is jealous of other females around him; these could be mere platonic relationships or affairs. It’s not a big deal for a man to have female friends, but of course there should be well defined limits.

Insecurity could also be as a result of distance; because they are not physically together, the lady may start feeling that he is taking interest in some ladies around him. Long distance relationships increase the chances of heightening insecurity in any romantic relationship.

Frankly, men are repelled by women who are overtly insecure; a man wants you to simply believe him when he says he loves and he is all for you; that is the preliminary or first steps to building trust.

Over possessiveness and control

This is another repellent. A typical man dislikes it when you are too possessive of him; he hates it when you want to keep him under your wraps all the time or make his life centre on you alone. Believe me, he doesn’t want another mother; most men don’t also like bossy controlling women. A man does not want to marry another man, except he is gay. A man by nature is egoistic, you need to help him massage or manage that ego not deflate it. A man would never appreciate a woman who orders him around like a boy.

Nagging

This is also a major one that men generally hate. They hate it when you complain about something over and over again. Once you have stated your point, he has noted it mentally and would act on it. Even if he doesn’t, repeating it over and over again would not necessarily get him to act. There are other better ways of doing that; you could have a hearty conversation with him about it expecting him to do something, and after that you drop the conversation.

Understand your man

There are no straight jacket rules to keeping a man and humans by nature are dynamic and peculiar. That is why you must know and understand your man. You need to know what his core values and philosophies are and what makes him tick. You need to understand his personality, his inclinations, passion and pursuits. When you know these things, then you will be able to walk in perfect synchronisation with the man. Really, that is what relationship is basically about; your core values are in alignment; your philosophies, purpose or passions are not at war; two can only walk together except they agree.

Affirmation

This is another key element. You need to constantly reaffirm your man. There is a way that you can talk to a man and he would feel he can conquer the whole world while there is also a way you can talk to a man and make him feel less than a cockroach. This is not about being a sycophant or fawning to him; but it is about speaking words that can encourage and build him up, inspire him to be the best, to be a success and to want to do more.

Flattery is when you are saying things that are not true about him just to make him happy, but saying words of affirmation is about reassuring him of even abilities that are latent inside him and helping him to realise his potentials. For example, if a man is out of job or unemployed it is not a time to nag him about making applications or comparing him with others; rather it is an opportunity to reassure him of his potentials and remind him that he is destined to a success and a great man. This even applies to other relationships like children, siblings and friends and other people you have influence over.

Humility and submission

Typically, men are attracted to a humble and submissive woman. A man appreciates someone who would humbly follow his leadership and direction not someone who constantly criticises him or has agendas that deflect or detract from his broad vision. Headship or leadership is vested in the man in relationship, both of you can’t be leaders otherwise there would be confusion.

 

Learn to trust

As stated earlier insecurity is a major challenge. Learn to trust your man, believe him when he says he loves you and you are the only woman for him. Learn to be confident in your womanhood, you are unique and priceless no other woman can replace you or steal your man. Even if a man jilts you for someone else, it’s because he has not identified and appreciated your worth, someone else that does would come around.

Build friendship

Cultivate friendship in your relationship. Show interests in the things he is interested in; if he loves football or music or art or any other thing; show interest in it as well; know the trending clubs and players, the latest songs and musicians, the famous paintings etc. Bring up topics that would spur intellectual debate and discussions; if he loves politics be interested in it both at the international and local level. Get him interested in your areas of interest too; this way there would be a ceaseless flow of bonding and interaction between you and your man.

Learn to communicate

Communication is dynamic and it has to be done the right way. Sometimes it is more appropriate to keep quiet and sometimes you need to speak or you need to express displeasure. The manner of doing it is what really matters and determines whether you are fostering a good relationship or tearing it down. If you have to express displeasure, do it in a discreet and mature way. And if you have to complain about something don’t keep repeating it so that it does not turn to nagging.

Commit it to God

Lastly, you need to keep praying about your relationship, committing it to God. When God is involved, He would give both of you wisdom on how to make it a success.

Oreoluwa Praise

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