There is all the talk shows, articles, discussions, etc. on how to build your marriage, hold on to your man, this and that. Has any anyone ever paid any attention to the little things we do that actually kill our marriages softly?
Let me bring it further home. These ‘little’ things, even when you do the ‘big’ things that you expect will boost your marriage, sometimes, will still mar that marriage in one way or the other.
The divorce rate today is at an all-time high. I read about celebrity marriages and I’m baffled. You know how we buy our bottled water or ‘pure water’ and trash the waste? That is the exact way many marriages have come to be known.
A marriage is called an institution because that is what it is. An institution to learn, apply the knowledge and grow! Applying that knowledge right makes you a wise woman.
Now, you know you are tearing your marriage when you…
- Disrespect your husband: A very good way to trash your marriage is to show disrespect to your husband. Respect goes deeper than just being polite or trying to avoid issues. In fact, a woman can have big disagreement with her husband and still have her respect for him untouched.
You talk down and back at him both at home and in public. You complain about him to people whose business it is not. You are rude to him before the children. You serve him his meals carelessly…I could go on and on. Now this is apart from the non-verbal gestures that our mothers of yore could kill us for (rolling of the eyes, hissing, ridiculing his words or emotions). Keep at that and you will get your bargain.
I understand that some men make very hard for their wives to respect them; this does not mean that the obligation to do so should take a back seat.
- Display selfishness: You only seek to do things or have things done that do not take into consideration your husband’s interest or feelings. You throw tantrums or resort to blackmail when you don’t have your way. You make demands instead of requests (‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are for the kids).
So because you bring forth the children, probably make more money, you are beautiful, and then the world should revolve around you, right? Wrong.
Wear the best clothes, apply the costliest perfumes, and he’ll still look at you and see an empty soul!
- Don’t show appreciation: You husband comes home one day excited. He tells you something about what he’s done to put a smile on your face, and then you give him this expression of ‘what’s the big deal; I can do that for myself’. You take for granted whatever he does for you and the children. Sometimes you even show an outright lack of appreciation. You do that consistently and you will be buying the coffin for that marriage.
Not telling your husband you appreciate him and what he does (now you will need to specify so he knows exactly what you are thanking/appreciating him for) can cause a gradual distance between you.
To be cont’d.