My husband is the most non-ambitious person I know and I find it very irritating. Is there anything I can do to encourage him to be more ambitious? (Annabel, Lagos)
One of the reasons for which people get married is that two imperfect people come together to help each other become better persons. We are brought together to help support one another. Each individual has both weaknesses and strength. So, it is wisdom to help one’s spouse in an area of weakness so that that weakness can be worked upon to become strength which will benefit both of you in the long run. On this note, I applaud you for desiring to help your husband in his area of weakness. The truth is that he may not even realize that it is an issue that bothers you.
However, before we arrive at any conclusion, it is important that we take a deep look at the situation by attempting to find the root cause of his ‘unambitious personae’. Do you have knowledge of his father’s work life? Was he proactive and upwardly-mobile in his career or was he laid back? How about his mother? Was she a go-getter and very successful as a result? You may never tell, he probably took a cue from his parent’s lifestyle. Or do you know if he’s battling with some issues at work that you may not be paying close attention to? Does he have any health challenge that is impeding his career success? Could he be threatened by your career success? How is your relationship like? Do you allow him take decisions and accord him the respect he deserves as the head of the family?
The truth is, when a man is demeaned and not given his place of honour, he withdraws and becomes seemingly docile. You’ve got to find out the missing link and wisely screw it back gently. Men thrive in an environment of respect and honour. Every man wants to feel like a king in his domain. Such kingly treatment engenders love, kindness, sacrifice, creativity, affection, commitment, proactiveness, progress etc. Gently ask him if there’s anything you’re doing that he’s not happy about and determine to change it into something positive that will be beneficial to the relationship. Find out if there’s any way you could be of help to him in his career. If he says nothing, keep pumping words of affirmation to him each day. Tell him you see him becoming a top-notch leader in his industry on a global scale. Buy him magazines, and books that are published in his industry, encourage him to read them.
Encourage him to attend industry meetings and conferences. But most importantly, keep praying for him. Don’t give up on him; it’s only a phase that will pass soon. His latter will be far greater than his past. I envisage a time that he will be so successful all round that you may even begin to crave for more attention. Keep painting your desirable picture of him regardless of what you see now and before long, you’ll see him come out of his shell to become that accomplished man of your dreams in Jesus Mighty Name Amen.
Be encouraged sis.