So many people struggle with relationships without understanding what they’re doing wrong. It can be frustrating to feel like you can’t make things work when you’re trying so hard. Here’s a list of things that many women do without realizing it that can be hurting their relationships.
- You undervalue yourself
Some women only want men who are unavailable, while others chase after bad boys. Some women put up with unacceptable behaviors and other women just don’t ask for what they deserve. If you notice any of these behaviors in yourself, it’s a sign that you need to value yourself if you want to be successful in relationships.
You may feel that you are “not enough” or that no one could love who you are. These are issues that you need to (and can!) solve on your own. I have met hundreds of women and not one has been inadequate or unlovable. I am confident that you are deserving of respect and love from someone who loves you.
- You’re overly masculine and don’t appreciate men
Full disclosure: I believe in feminism and independence. But believing in those things does not mean you shouldn’t appreciate the things men do for you. In any relationship, we want to feel needed by the other person. If you exert too much autonomy, your boyfriend or husband will feel unsatisfied with the relationship and potential suitors won’t see a place for themselves in your life. When he’s kind enough to open a door for you, help you carry a heavy box or pay for a meal, he is not demeaning you or suggesting that you are incapable; he is merely trying to show his affection for you by serving you. Allow him to do that.
- You put everything else first
With everything going on in life it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner. But it’s not hard to see that this will corrode your relationship, because clearly relationships take effort.
But not only will your relationship die when you neglect it, but putting your kids, job, parents, talents and friends ahead of your spouse makes him feel worthless. Avoid this mistake that many women make by making your man your first priority.
- You look for a man to complete you
If you’re waiting for or dependent upon a relationship to make you feel confident or happy, it’s always going to be out of reach because you cannot put that responsibility on someone else; it comes from yourself. People who are happy in relationships are the same people who are happy out of relationships. Develop your own happiness and self-respect at whatever stage you’re in right now. It’s the only way to attain it (and it will make you more attractive to boot!).
You withhold affection
Choosing to withhold physical affection as a tool to control or manipulate your partner is awful and can cause deep tears to form in your relationship.
- You don’t understand men
Men and women have some essential differences. If you want to be successful in relationships, you need to have at least an adequate understanding of men’s needs and desires. Treating him the same way you do your girlfriends isn’t going to create a quality and lasting romantic relationship with a man.
- You have unrealistic expectations
Perpetuated by fairy tales and chick flicks, many women have expectations for love, their relationship and their partner that are just plain unrealistic. Remember that men are human, you are human and you’re living a real human life. This means that love is messy and maybe doesn’t have so many fireworks going off in the background. If you feel that men are consistently letting you down, honestly evaluate your expectations to see if they’re practical or not.
- You compare your relationship
At whatever stage you’re in, from single to married with kids, the terrible mistake of comparison can damage your relationships. You are unique and you should expect your life and relationship to be unique as well. Just because your friend is all gaga over her husband doesn’t mean the way you adore your husband is less valuable; and just because everyone on your Facebook feed seems to be engaged doesn’t mean that you need to be too.
Comparison will destroy your relationship satisfaction and can cause you to act in ways or do things that are not right for you and your partner.
- You try to change him
Of course you should expect your man to evolve and become better, and your relationship should be a component of that. However, you shouldn’t be in the business of trying to make him over into the person you think he should be. That’s his job. Furthermore, he probably isn’t going to change very much in the essentials; his goals, motivations, etc. will probably always be the same. Don’t undervalue his good qualities trying to change the bad ones. If you don’t like him for him, maybe he’s not the person you should be with.
- You don’t communicate
It may seem like you’re sparing your boyfriend or husband by choosing not to communicate your opinions and aggravations, but you are definitely destroying your relationship. Kindly communicate your feelings and allow him to do the same. This will develop trust and understanding in your relationship as well as help both of you to better fulfill each other’s needs.