You get over an unwanted divorce by accepting your divorce as a reality. Most people who go through a divorce they didn’t desire have a hard time adjusting to the idea of being single again and losing the emotional connection to the one they loved. They still want to be married, but reality doesn’t go out of its way to accommodate a person’s wishes.
Especially with the advent of no-fault divorce laws and a spouse who is able to leave a marriage regardless of the pain it causes the left behind spouse. Getting over an unwanted divorce isn’t any easy task but with time and patience, the pain of your divorce can be put behind you.
You have to face the facts and the reality of your situation. Not accepting the reality of your divorce keeps you stuck and unable to live a productive life. You can’t live in the present and plan for the future if your head and heart are still in the past.
Yes, I know, you are thinking, “that is easy for you to say.” And, you are correct, it easy to say but, I’m aware of how hard it is to move past the pain of a lost marriage and begin to rebuild a life you never expected to live.
There is nothing easy about the loss of a spouse through divorce. Here is the truth, though, you have two choices, stay stuck in your pain or do the work it takes to move forward.
You are best served by making the choice to do the work and move forward with your life.
Here are 4 steps you can take that will aid you in getting over your divorce
- Accept Where You Are
Life is just as it should be. Make the best out of any situation you find yourself in. You can’t change reality by wishing your divorce had never happened.
Accepting the reality of your situation and living fully within that reality facilitates letting go of the past and moving ahead to the future. A future you carve out for yourself based on what you want, not based on where you used to be or wish you still were.
- Take Responsibility
Own your mistakes and make peace with your past. To move forward and let go of the past you should also work through any feelings of guilt or anger that are left-over from the divorce. If you owe your ex and apology, express it. If you are harboring feelings of anger then learn ways to work through the anger in a constructive manner.
Owning the part you played in the demise of your marriage has a healing power. With taking responsibility for your role in the problems that led to the divorce comes understanding of why the divorce happened. With understanding comes a huge degree of acceptance that the demise of the marriage is due to two people, not just one.
- Practice Mindfulness
Stay open to positive thoughts about everything in your life and welcome in “good” energy! Negative thoughts have a way of creeping into our heads uninvited. The good thing about negative thoughts is that they come to pass, not to stay.
Negative thoughts about your situation can’t harm you unless you allow them to do harm. Allow negative thoughts to pass through your brain unnoticed, don’t attach meaning to them. Quickly usher them on to make room for positive thoughts that spur you into actions that benefit you and the life you want to live.
- Take Advantage of The Opportunity
An opportunity is a chance to fulfill your dreams, your purpose in life, become who you want to be and do what you want to do. Sometimes opportunity is invited in, sometimes it is forced upon us. As hard as it may be to accept, divorce, even an unwanted divorce is an opportunity. Never ignore an opportunity. This new opportunity may have come with fears and emotional pain but, those are not excuses for not taking advantage of the opportunity to fulfill dreams, find purpose and become what you want.
Like the old saying goes, “when one door closes, another one opens.” Don’t be afraid to walk through that open door!