“The truth is, it doesn’t feel the same anymore”.,
The words hit me like a time bomb on a bright Tuesday morning! I was helpless, lost, puzzled, dumbfounded, perplexed, name it…The grip to my phone tightened; I pressed my butt firmly to my seat and sat straightened as if to prevent fainting. Warm tears trickled out of my bulging eyes and fell to my skirt and I just couldn’t stop the flow.
I could hear other lawyers stroll into the courtroom and I could see them all clad in black suits and scrambling for the cause-list to fill in their names. I knew I was in the court room but I was no longer sure of the reason why I was there. The footsteps became quicker and lawyers hurriedly robed and settled into their seats. It was 9:00am and the judges would be in the courtroom in a few minutes. Yet there I was motionless, not oblivious but helpless, just helpless! The tears dried up on my lightly made up face –
He was the reason for the makeup; I expected to see him in court – Suddenly, I got up like a robot and went behind the courtroom to sit with non-lawyers. The courtroom was filled to the brim and there were no other seats so I stood and stared into the air until I heard my name. A learned friend had been calling my name repeatedly across the courtroom! He walked towards me, elegantly robed and said: ‘Wunmi, ki lo se e?’ which translates in English as “Wunmi, what is wrong with you?” The tears erupted and I hugged him to cry all the more, wetting his gown.
We were going to get married, we just got an apartment and we were almost done with furnishing. Like most couples at this stage, we disagreed more albeit to agree again. I had seen him on Sunday in ‘our’ apartment. We had parted on a good note, he dropped me off and we were both happy or so I thought …
On Monday, no calls from him, neither did he pick my repeated calls. I continued to call him on Tuesday morning and alas! He sent me the text… to say the truth!!! ‘So what’s the way forward Hon?’ I asked in a note I dropped by his side mirror when I saw his car in the court premises that same Tuesday. Of course, I had tried to call him but he didn’t pick up. I sent him a mail asking the same question and behold! He replied: ‘I am still in the attitude of prayer’. I was tad relieved! Yes! Relieved! Because I was sure that if it was about prayer, God would confirm what we had heard all the while.
Hadn’t God given me a word or even words? Didn’t his pastor confirm us as good for each other? Didn’t my mother’s pastor also do same? Didn’t our parents approve of us? Of Course! The Spiritual aspect was to my mind more than settled so I was sure he would only get a confirmation. I would wait until his prayer session ended. It was a long wait, he refused to communicate during this period as he neither called nor picked my calls… minutes turned to hours, hours to days, days to weeks and then a month. My Handsome Christian Brother was still praying!
One Saturday evening, he picked up the phone when I called and I said to him: ‘Honey, How far with your prayers?’ And in a most hostile tone he said: ‘I said I would get back to you when I’m done praying’. Tears trickled down my eyes like a partially closed tap and the line cut.
Minutes later, I braced up and called him back, I told him I was on my way to his house that night and that I was going to move in with him until God answered his prayers and we agreed on the way forward. Though he claimed he was not home, I assured him I would wait at his gate till he arrived (was only threatening*smile)
In another few minutes, I got an email from him and in it were these words: ‘… I do not desire you as much…there’s no more time to experiment…’ And though I knew this was coming, I cringed in pain as I read the words. The end had come and painfully so…
The truth of the matter was that I knew! I always had the gut feeling… I knew…. I knew he didn’t desire me as much, I knew he didn’t love me as much, I knew this was coming…Yet still, his truth pierced me like a dagger to my soul, wounding my body and causing me to spend nights in the hospital. “But yea though I ride through deep waters, I will not drown for the LORD would be with me” (Isaiah 43:2) and truly He was.
Ade neither called nor came to see me in the hospital but God didn’t leave me, instead, He told me the greater truth:
I am the LORD your redeemer, who punishes you for your own good and leads you along the path that you should follow… Weeping may last all night but joy comes in the morning (Isaiah 48:17, Psalm 30:5 LB).
I’m thirty and the clock is ticking. Ade’s truth hurts but the greater truth of God’s word heals. Joy cometh and of this I’m sure.
Let all the thirty plus single ladies shout the truth out loud with me in faith: ‘My Joy cometh!’
So shall it be! AMEN!